The Paradox of Purity
by Gatzli
Summary: As James and Lily enter their final year at Hogwarts, tensions are at an all time high. News of death and destruction arrive by owl everyday, and it soon becomes clear that nowhere is safe. With so many things called into question, the only real source of relief is their budding relationship. (chapters alternate between James and Lily's POV)
1. Like Father, Like Son

By the time the Daily Prophet had announced the murder of Muggle activist Winthrop Jones, James had already resolved that he wasn't going back to Hogwarts. The death of Winthrop Jones was the seventh murder the Prophet had reported in the short time James had been back from school. According to the Ministry, the recent string of deaths were completely unrelated; nothing but a morbid coincidence. But James had listened to his parents' tense whispers and had paid close attention to the rushed meetings his father was hosting with more and more frequency lately. Clearly James's parents didn't want to worry him, but if they really wanted to keep the truth from him they ought to have done a better job in hiding it.

Death Eaters had become a popular topic in the news over the last two years, though it was widely believed by most that the threat they posed was well contained. However, from what James had gathered through eavesdropping on his father's meetings, the Death Eaters numbers were growing rapidly and their influence was everywhere. It had even been discovered recently that a high ranking Ministry official was affiliated with them, and had been feeding them information from the inside. Of course, the story had been covered up in the Prophet so as to avoid mass panic, but the message to James was clear: nowhere was safe. Despite all of the confusion going on, that much was obvious.

With everything he knew was happening, James couldn't bare the thought of going back to school and pretending that everything was normal. People were dying, and his parents just expected him to worry about some stupid tests? He knew that he had to find a way to help fight, and after his father had received an unexpected visitor at their home, James was even more resolved.

About three weeks after the school year had ended, James and Sirius were in the woods behind the Potters' house playing a version of Quidditch they had made up themselves. Flying high above the treetops they had a view of the winding hills all around the Potters' property. James was lucky in that his family didn't live anywhere near Muggles, so he could fly as high as he wanted without worrying about being seen. That afternoon, he found himself drifting without purpose through the air, simply staring at the treetops below him. There was a light breeze that day, and the sky was cloudless; a rare sight, even during the summer. After a blissful moment of silence as he stared below him, James was abruptly brought back to reality with a thud to the back of his skull.

"Oi!" he shouted, his hand caressing the spot where the quaffle had hit him. "What the hell, mate?

Sirius appeared beside him on his own broom, looking amused. "Couldn't resist," he replied simply, shrugging. "What are you looking at anyway?"

"Just admiring the view."

Sirius looked back silently, the breeze moving his dark hair out of his eyes. After a moment he said, "It's a sight better than London, I'll give ya that."

"I just hope it lasts," said James. Sirius looked at him, his expression sour.

"Well that's ominous," he said.

James shrugged. Sirius was his best friend, but for some reason he didn't like expressing his concerns about the recent deaths with him. It wasn't that he didn't think he would take him seriously, or that he was afraid he'd tell his parents, or anything like that. James couldn't quite place the feeling.

"Who's _that_?" said Sirius suddenly, breaking James out of his reverie for the second time.

"Where?" said James sharply, his head snapping up so quickly he strained his neck. Sirius was pointing back towards the house. James squinted his eyes. Someone had just apparated in front of the back porch, but whoever it was, they were too far away to make them out. Without saying a word to Sirius, James immediately pointed his broom downward and made a beeline toward the house. His heart was racing; his throat constricting. '_No'_ he was saying in his head. '_No no no no no no no no...'_

He jumped off of his broom before it reached the ground, but didn't lose any footing. He was running at full speed toward the back porch, and he was pulling his wand out of the pocket of his jeans. His father walked out the back door with open arms, and without hesitation James shouted, "DAD! GET BACK INSIDE NOW! IT'S THEM!"

His father froze in his tracks and looked at him with bewilderment. James's heart was hammering against his ribcage, but when he finally looked at the person who had materialized in his yard, he felt his face flush with warmth. Standing on the back porch was an old man with a white glistening beard, who was wearing pale blue silk robes and half-moon spectacles on his crooked nose...

"Who is _'them'_? Son, are you all right?"

James skidded to a halt, panting, as his father looked on with concern. Out of the corner of his eye, James saw Sirius land on the lawn next to him.

"What's going on?" Sirius said in a tone that very clearly didn't know whether to be joking or serious. James stowed his wand back into his pocket and walked toward the cause of his concern: Albus Dumbledore.

Dumbledore's expression had hardly changed since James had appeared, so it was hard for him to gather the Headmaster's emotions. He seemed altogether unphased by James's reaction to his sudden appearance.

"I'm sorry to startle you, James," said Dumbledore at last, reaching out his hand to shake James's. James returned the gesture hesitantly, and then instinctively ruffled his own hair in an attempt to appear nonchalant. "I imagine you're not used to strangers calling on your home in the middle of the holiday."

"No," said James, his voice forced calm. " I, uh, I guess not." Then, sheepishly, he added, " I'm sorry I pulled my wand on you, Sir." Dumbledore held up his hand, waving it lightly in protest.

"You can never be too cautious during times like these. It's entirely my fault for intruding on your family like this."

James's father, seeming to sense that the conversation was migrating to a place he didn't want it to go, cleared his throat loudly. The others turned to look as he gestured inside and said, "Would you like to come in, Albus? Lenora just made some iced tea."

"That sounds lovely. Thank you, Richard."

They all made their way into the kitchen, the refreshing air from the house cooling the sweat on their faces. Sirius set his broom under the windowsill and then pulled James to the side. When they were sufficiently out of earshot from the others, Sirius whispered, "What the bloody hell was that about?"

" I don't know. I didn't know it was Dumbledore," said James, who was determinedly trying not to meet Sirius's gaze. He took off his glasses and whiped them on his shirt while Sirius scrutinized him.

"Who did you think it was?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know, okay? Just leave it."

Sirius stared at him, unwavering. After a few seconds of silence as James stared at the floor, Sirius said, "It's not stupid to think they would come here. I think about it too sometimes."

The tone of his voice took James aback. There was something akin to fatherly authority in it. Anyway, it was enough to make James look him in the eye. He didn't say anything in response, but Sirius seemed to understand. He nodded solemnly, and without a word, walked back into the kitchen. James followed.

Dumbledore was sitting at the kitchen island on a bar stool, his robes pulled up to reveal mismatched socks. The sight of Dumbledore, with his long beard and elaborate robes, sitting in the family kitchen sipping on iced tea, was just peculiar enough to make James chuckle. Though, there was something about Dumbledore's presence, however pleasant it was, that made James feel uneasy.

James's father worked in the Minister of Magic's office as one of his closest associates. James couldn't remember his father's exact job title, because it was incredibly long, and his father rarely said it. But since he worked so closely to the Minister, James was used to important people walking through his house. His father often held meetings in his home because he felt it was more personal and more private. Privacy was especially important recently. However, James's father seemed almost as surprised to see Dumbledore as James was, which meant that Dumbledore had something important to tell his father. James stared at the Headmaster's face, trying to decipher if the news he had for his father was good or bad.

"Sir?" said Sirius loudly. James frowned. Sirius always took the direct approach. "I don't mean to be rude, but why exactly are you here?"

" Sirius, don't hound the man" snapped James's father. "He just sat down for Merlin's sake."

"No, no, it's fine," said Dumbledore humbly. "Your hospitality notwithstanding, I am intruding on your family. You have a right to know why I am here." He lifted the glass of iced tea to his lips and downed the last sip. Then, setting the glass down, he said, " I've come, with deepest respect, to ask your father to join the Order of the Phoenix."

James and Sirius both sat up rigidly in their seats, staring at Dumbledore avidly. James's father's face flushed beat red, the lines on his forehead creasing. His face looked like a mixture between embarrassed, angry, and confused. Before anyone could say anything more, James's mother walked into the room.

"Why hello, Albus!" she said brightly. Then, sensing the sudden tension in the room, she asked, "What's going on?"

"Dumbledore's just asked Dad to join the Order of the Phoenix!" said James loudly. He actually had no idea what the Order of the Phoenix was, but if he knew Dumbledore, and he knew his father, then he could make a pretty good guess. He exchanged a look with Sirius, who seemed to be sharing his same sense of excitement. James's mother, however, seemed to be having a similar reaction to the news as his father. James watched as her face slowly descended into a deep shade of red.

"Boy's, please go upstairs," said James's father measuredly.

"What? Why?" snapped James. This was finally the opportunity he had been waiting for, and now his father was shutting him out?

"I told you to leave," his father said darkly. "Don't make me ask again! This is not a conversation that you need to be a part of."

"Dumbledore thought it was okay for us to hear!" said Sirius, pushing himself out of his chair. James's father snapped his head around to face Sirius, his eyes glimmering in anger. However, before he could say anything Dumbledore spoke up.

" Richard, I am sorry, I should have waited to speak in private," He said evenly. Then he stood up and turned to face James and Sirius, his expression impassive and stern. "James, Sirius, I cannot speak for your father. You need to listen to _him_."

Sirius openly gaped at him, but James shook his head in concession. Begrudgingly, they both made their way up the stairs as slowly as possible, hoping to catch part of the conversation. However, James's parents were careful not to breathe a word until James and Sirius were well out of earshot.

Once at the top of the stairs, James and Sirius simultaneously dropped to the floor, pressing their ears against the ground. James could just make out Dumbledore's muffled voice through the floor, but he couldn't make out the words.

"Dammit!" he muttered under his breath. "We're missing it!"

"Hang on," said Sirius, his face lighting up deviously. "I've got an idea."

James sat up, waiting for his friend to elaborate. But before he could say a word, Sirius's face began to change. It was morphing, shifting into something else. His whole body was changing. Within a matter of seconds, a large black dog was sitting in the spot that Sirius had once stood. James's face lit up.

"Sirius, you're brilliant," he said, patting the dog on his head. "Can you hear them?"

Sirius nodded his head in ascent. Then he resumed his place on the floor, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, his ears poised to listen. James waited there with him for close to an hour. Despite the fact that he was sitting quite still, his heart was racing. He wanted desperately to ask Sirius what he was hearing, but he wouldn't be able to answer until he was human. So James sat in silence, fiddling anxiously with his hands. Soon, the voices below them began to fade. Then, as suddenly as he had changed before, Sirius shifted back into his normal self. James looked at him wide-eyed, waiting expectantly for him to speak.

"In the room," Sirius whispered, and the two of them bolted toward James's bedroom, closing the door as gently and quietly as possible behind them. As soon as the door was shut, Sirius spoke.

" Dumbledore's started an army!" he said in a voice that was only half whisper.

"_What_?" said James, his mouth agape. "You're talking about the Order of the Phoenix?"

"What else? It's like Dumbledore's own private army, working to fight against You-Know-Who," said Sirius. His eyes were bright, and he was gesticulating wildly as he explained. " Dumbledore's decided that the Ministry isn't doing enough to fight the Death Eaters, so he's recruiting the most powerful witches and wizards he knows to fight them!"

"That's brilliant!" said James. It was exactly as he had hoped. He knew Dumbledore would never sit idely by while people were getting killed left and right. This was the first good news James had heard in a long time. " So did he say what my Dad is going to be doing for the Order?"

James assumed that his dad would be serving as somekind of informant, seeing as he worked for the Minister. That was probably why Dumbledore had chosen him. Maybe he would be trying to smoke out any Death Eaters he found trying to infiltrate the Ministry? James looked at Sirius expectantly, but Sirius's avid expression had changed to one of hesitation.

"What's wrong?" said James.

" Your dad didn't accept," said Sirius, who was now avoiding James's gaze. James stared at him blankly, seeming to not understand.

" Didn't accept what?" said James. Sirius didn't respond immediately.

"Your dad told Dumbledore he wouldn't join."

James said nothing to this news; his body was rigid and still. Sirius eyed him warily, inching slowly closer to him. "Mate?" he said cautiously, but James didn't acknowledge him. He stared at the floor, feeling his jaw clenching involuntarily. Without thinking, and without speaking, James stormed out of his room, ignoring Sirius's shouts of "Where're you goin?" and "Wait!". As he made his way down the stairs into the sitting room, he could hear his parents' hushed voices in the kitchen.

"What are we going to do?" his mother was saying. "Richard, we have to tell them."

"Tell us _what_?" said James, strolling into the kitchen casually. He could feel his face burning with anger and resentment. He was growing sick of being kept in the dark. If they wouldn't talk to him on their own, he would have to confront them directly. As he walked into the kitchen his parents stood up to face him. Dumbeldore, it appeared, had already left.

"Son, we told you to wait upstairs," boomed his father, pointing towards the door. James ignored him, and instead faced his mother.

"_What do you have to tell us_?" said James, placing stress on each syllable. His voice was louder than his father's, and his mother looked up at him with wide, watery eyes. She looked scared.

"Don't you dare talk to your mother that way!" yelled his father. "You have something to say? say it to me!"

"Gladly," said James, spinning around to face his father. They were exactly the same height, and when James turned he found himself eye-to-eye with him. James often forgot how much older his father was, but at this proximity it was hard to miss it. His father's face was leathered and worn, and every new expression revealed a different crease. They were generations apart. James hated it.

"How could you not join!?" yelled James. "Dumbledore strolls in with an open invitation to make a bloody _difference_, and you say _no_? What the hell is wrong with you!"

"_That's_ what you're upset about?!" yelled his father. "You're mad that I didn't run off and get myself _killed_?"

"_People_ are _dying _every day! The least you could do is stop being a bloody _coward_ and do something about it!"

"COWARD?!_ Do you listen to yourself?_ You wreckless...you _ungrateful-"_

_ "I'm ungrateful because I want to help?!"_

_ "_There's more to this decision than wanting to help people, James!_"_

"IF _YOU_ WON'T JOIN,_ I _WILL!"

James yelled so loudly that his words reverberated around the room. He appeared to have stunned his father into silence. His mother, he realized, was crying. The sound made a knot in his chest. He was too angry to look at her though. He just stared, fuming, at his father. His father's face had lost all color.

"_James_, please, _listen_ to me.."

But James didn't want to hear it. Before his father could say anything more, he turned on his heel and stormed out of his house.

James rarely fought with his parents, and on the few occassions he had, it had never been this serious. He had never shouted at his father before, and now that he was out of the house, he regretted losing his temper.

Since he could think of nowhere else to go, he decided to apparate to Diagon Alley. His concentration wasn't at it's best, so he appeared in front of the Apothecary, nowhere close to where he had planned to go. Diagon Alley was surprisingly deserted for a summer weekend. The people who were on the street kept their heads down and their hoods drawn. James figured everyone was on edge these days.

Wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, James eventually decided to slip into Forlean's just for a chance to sit down and think. The shop was slightly busier than the street had been, but James spotted an empty table near one of the windows. He sat down as his mind began racing.

Had he meant what he told his father? Did he really want to join the Order? Something in the back of James's mind told him that it wasn't a matter of "wanting to". Everything in his gut told him he _had _to do it. His mind and body were compelling him to do it. Maybe his father couldn't see it, but to James it was clear as day. And wasn't it better to do while he was still young, before he was tied down with a family? He supposed he understood his fathers' decision, now that he thought of it. His father had his mother to think of. But James? He was alone.

As he stared without blinking ahead of himself, he realized what he had to do. Standing up abruptly, James sprinted out of Forlean Fortescue's and down the cobblestone street toward Eyelops. When he made it inside he made a beeline for the counter, where a young witch not much older than him stood writing on a piece of parchment.

"Excuse me," said James breathlessly. "Can I borrow that quill and a piece of parchment? "

The young woman looked up at him, furrowing her brow. "I suppose," she said, somewhat begrudgingly. She held out the quill for him and he snatched it up hastily. When she handed him the parchment, she did so with a scathing look, which he ignored. Then he wrote:

_Professor Dumbledore,_

_ I'm sorry that my dad rejected your offer to join the Order of the Phoenix. He may have other obligations, but I don't. I know what the Order is and what it does to fight You-Know-Who. You may think of me as just another student, but Sir, I want to fight. I'm the top of my year at Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I may not have the Ministry connections my father has, but I know for a fact that there's magic I can do that he wouldn't dare to try. I'm already of age, and an extra year at school won't teach me anything that being out in the real world wouldn't. Practical application, right? Sir, you have to know that I would never make this decision lightly. This is more than a whim. My gut tells me I need to help. The Prophet keeps reporting death after death, and I can't just sit idely by while innocent people are being murdered. Please give me the chance to prove myself. Let me help. _

_ I promise I won't disappoint you._

_ James Potter_


	2. Exchange Rate

This summer was proving to be the hottest and most exrcutiating in Lily's memory. The air around her small neighborhood was thick and humid, which left her feeling sluggish and unmotivated. The heat made spending time outside impossible, so Lily was forced to spend all her time in the small confines of her home. It would not have been the worst thing except that her sister, Petunia, was in the midst of planning her wedding to Vernon Dursley, and as such was at her most irritable. Therefore the majority of Lily's time that summer had been spent mediating arguments between her sister and mother about wedding arrangements; and today was no different.

"How can you say that me! Don't you want this day to be perfect!?"

"Tuney, of course I want it to be perfect! But you have to be able to compromise-"

" Compromise? _Compromise_!? It's the wedding dress, mother! It's practically the most important part of the wedding!"

Their voices were carrying from the sitting room all the way to Lily's bedroom at the top of the stairs. Lily, who had been trying to complete some of her summer homework, closed her Transfiguration textbook and sat in silence for a moment debating whether or not she should try to intervene. The argument had started when Lily's mother had suggested that Petunia should find a more affordable wedding dress. Of course, as always, Petunia was overreacting.

"Honestly it's not as if I'm asking for much here! Vernon's father is covering most of the costs!"

"Most of the costs? Do you realize how much this wedding is costing me!?"

Just as Lily had decided it was best to keep herself out of it, there was a tap on her window. Looking up quickly she saw a small brown owl fluttering outside of her window, apparently struggling with the weight of a letter tied to it's feet. Lily got up quickly and opened her window, feeling the heavy air slap her in the face like someone's warm breath. The owl plopped itself on her bed and toppled over, lifting it's leg for her to untie the letter. It was Lily's Hogwarts letter; she could tell from the green ink. When she picked it up and felt the weight of it, she realized why the owl had been struggling.

"What the-?"

Lily excitedly slipped her finger below the seal and open the envelope, and a small metal badge fell onto her mattress. It was small, but it had a decent amount of weight to it. On the front the words "Head Girl" were engraved in a beautiful script. Lily stared at the golden pin in her hand, her heart fluttering nervously.

Just then the owl on her bed let out a loud screech, breaking Lily out of her reverie. Apparently rested, it soared over her head and out of her window. Lily looked back at the badge, frowning slightly. She hadn't given much thought to being head girl; she supposed she had been expecting someone like Marlene to receive the honor. After all, in addition to being prefect, Marlene was a Quidditch captain and a member of several clubs. That, and she was incredibly popular. People liked her, so when she doled out punishments people usually listened.

The more Lily thought about it, the more she realized that Marlene was clearly the obvious choice. Why, then, had Dumbledore chosen Lily? She felt flattered for sure, but something about it made her nervous. Perhaps Dumbledore had made a mistake.

Just then there was a knock on Lily's bedroom door. She opened it to reveal Petunia standing with her arms folded in front of her, looking very cross.

"I need you to talk sense into Mum," She said in a voice that implied she didn't expect Lily to disagree.

Lily stared at her blankly. "What does that mean?"

"You can be persuasive sometimes. Just convince her that she's being unreasonable about my dress!"

Lily felt her face heating up as she stared at her sister. The only times that Petunia ever bothered to talk to her now was when she had a snide comment to make or when she needed Lily to do something for her.

"Petunia, I'm actually busy right now."

"Busy how? You're just sitting in there," sneered Petunia. Her lips began to purse and Lily could tell she was getting ready to snap at her.

"I was actually just leaving," said Lily, and before Petunia could say another word, Lily disapparated.

It was only the third time she had done so since her test, and the feeling still left her feeling nauseous. However unpleasant the feeling was, though, it was well worth it to get away from Petunia. When Lily appeared in front of Gringotts in Diagon Alley, she smiled to herself, picturing the dumbfounded look on Petunia's face as she vanished in front of her.

Lily was still holding the letter from Hogwarts and her badge. She placed the pin inside the pocket of her shorts and consulted her school list. It was N.E.W.T. year, so she was expecting to need quite a few supplies. She was right in that regard. It looked as though she would be needing several new textbooks, potion supplies, and various other odds and ends. However, before she did any shopping she would need to exchange her muggle money at Gringotts for some galleons.

Lily turned and walked up the marble steps of the bank, looking around suspiciously. It occurred to her that Diagon Alley ws very empty that day. Typically the steps of Gringotts were crowded whenever she was there, however she passed only one other solemn looking wizard as she went inside, and he looked to be in such a rush that he brushed past her without so much as a look in her direction.

When she stepped inside her footsteps echoed loudly on the stone floor. All of the Goblins behind the counter eyed her curiously as she approached, as though expecting her to suddenly combust. There were only three other people in the cavernous room; one was an elderly wizard who was speaking to a teller at the other end of the hall. The others were being shown out of the vaults by a disgruntled looking Goblin. They were a young man and woman whom Lily recognized immediately. Evan Rosier and Clara Selwyn, both Slytherin students in Lily's year at Hogwarts. Upon realizing who they were, Lily immediately averted her gaze back toward the Goblin tellers. The last thing she wanted was to have to deal with Selwyn and Rosier.

Keeping her head low, she handed the teller her Muggle money and waited as he divied it up. Her fingers were tapping nervously on the marble counter and the Goblin who was converting her money eyed her agitatedly. Lily stopped tapping her fingers, but it was then that a sneering voice from behind her said, "Is that Saint _Evans_?"

Lily looked up at Rosier slowly, hopeful that if she took long enough he might disappear. He didn't, and Selwyn was next to him, grinning maliciously.

"You've got to be kidding me," she said snidely, eyeing Lily up and down as she leaned against Rosier. Then she added, "What is she _wearing_?"

Lily's face heated up as Rosier laughed. She had left in such a rush from her house that she hadn't bothered to put on her robes. She was wearing denim shorts and a t-shirt with the logo of a Muggle band, and Lily knew that she must look particularly ostentacious. Selwyn and Rosier were both wearing pastel colored silk robes. As Lily stood there in silence, unsure of what to say, the Goblin teller placed her money on the counter. Lily quickly pocketed the money as the others looked on giddily.

"Just exchanging your Mudblood money, Evans?"

Lily ignored him, turning on her heel and storming out of Gringotts. However, as she stepped outside, she heard their voices as they called after her. She felt her heart pounding out of anger and confusion. Why were they hounding her?

"Don't run off like that!" Rosier yelled in a voice of mock concern. He was following her as Selwyn looked on with an expression of mild exasperation.

"What?!" Lily screamed back. "What do you want?"

Rosier stopped in front of her, his dark eyes glinting. He leered over her without saying a word. Lily determinedly glared back at him, hoping the ferocity of her stare would make up for her small size. After a few seconds of silence Rosier smiled broadly, revealing perfectly straight, white teeth.

"I can see why Snape kept you around for so long," he said softly. "You're fun to play with."

Lily's face blazed bright red, and Rosier smiled with satisfaction. Then without thinking and without hesitation, Lily's hand snapped to her wand. In a split second she had it pointed straight at Rosier's chest. Rosier looked down at it with an expression of mingled surprise and amusement. But before Lily could form words, her wand was knocked out of her hand with a blast of red light. Selwyn appeared at Rosier's side looking enraged.

She stepped in front of Rosier and pointed her wand at Lily's heart, shouting,"YOU MUDBLOOD BITCH. HOW DARE YOU POINT A WAND AT _HIM!_"

Lily's eyes darted back and forth between Selwyn's wand to where her own wand had landed at the bottom of the steps. There was no way to reach for it. On top of that, there didn't appear to be anyone around to help her. Diagon Alley was deserted.

"Not so cocky now are you?" seethed Selwyn, staring at her with wide, wild eyes.

"Clara, put your wand down," said Rosier. Selwyn and Lily both looked at him wide eyed.

"She was going to attack you!" said Selwyn. "You just want me to let that go?"

"Don't be stupid," he said calmly. "She wasn't going to do shit. She's too far up Dumbledore's arse to break any rules."

"But-!"

"Enough," snapped Rosier. Selwyn stopped objecting, but she gave Lily a dark look that made her stomach crawl. Lily realized she was breathing very fast and she tried hard to control herself. Rosier stayed silent for a moment, eyeing her, before saying, "This isn't the time or place."

Just then, someone appeared next to Lily, placing a hand on her shoulder. Lily looked up to see that Remus Lupin was beside her, and he had his wand pointed straight at Rosier. Selwyn immediately pointed her wand at Remus, but then Peter Pettigrew appeared at his side, pointing his wand at Selwyn.

"What's going on?!" snapped Remus, looking from Selwyn to Rosier and back again.

"Ask her!" said Selwyn, glaring at Lily. " She's the one who pointed her wand at Evan."

"Right, and I'm sure that Lily was completely unprovoked as well," Remus sneered. Then, before anyone could say anything in response, Rosier held up both of his hands in surrender.

"We were just leaving, Lupin, if that's fine with you."

"Good," said Remus coldly, without lowering his wand. "So leave."

He glared at Rosier as he and Selwyn backed away slowly. Then, once they were safely out of range, Remus and Peter both lowered their wands, turning to Lily.

"What happened?" asked Peter in a highpitched voice. He seemed almost as rattled as Lily. She bent down and picked up her wand before answering, her face still red from embarrassment and fear.

" I was in Gringotts exchanging my money," she explained. "They spotted me and then started making comments. When I tried to leave, Rosier followed me, and I pulled my wand on him."

Remus stared at her with his brows furrowed concernedly. He seemed older to her somehow, and something about his expression made her feel younger.

"Lily," he said softly. "What on earth are you doing here by yourself?"

"What do you mean?" said Lily. "I came here by myself last year."

"But that was last year. Lily, haven't you been reading the Prophet?"

Lily's heart was sinking the more Remus talked. His tone was scaring her.

"No," she said. "I don't get the Prophet at home, the owls draw too much attention."

Remus and Peter exchanged dark looks with one another before turning to face Lily.

"We should go somewhere else and talk."

Lily followed Remus as he walked at a quick pace without a word. As they walked through Diagon Alley Lily noticed that a lot of shops were boarded up or else just sporting makeshift signs that read "closed until further notice". She had never seen Diagon Alley so had happened?

Remus and Peter ducked into a small Pub that Lily had never actually been in before. However, despite it's small size it seemed to be the only place in Diagon Alley that was actually busy. All of the seats at the bar were full, and there was a slight buzz of conversation in the air; though everyone was speaking in hushed and urgent tones. Remus slid into a table that was close to the back, and Peter slid into the seat beside him. Lily sat down last, looking at her surroundings uneasily.

"Remus, what's going on? Why is everything so deserted?"

"I can't believe you have no idea what's going on," said Peter. His beady brown eyes were wide, and he was looking at her with wonderment. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

"You know about the Death Eaters, don't you Lily?" said Remus.

"Death Eaters?" repeated Lily. Immediately Snape's face swam into her mind and she felt herself shudder. "Of course I do. Do they have something to do with all this?"

"They have everything to do with this. Lily, they've gained a huge following. More and more people are joining them."

Lily stared at him, her eyes hollow. "That can't be," she said defiantly. "How can people agree with...with everything they stand for...I mean..."

" It's their leader. Remember the name?" said Remus. And he dropped his voice so low that Lily had to lean in to hear him say, "_Voldemort._"

"I don't understand," said Lily.

" Essentially, it means you're in a lot of danger," said Remus. He eyed her worriedly, tilting his head to get a better look at her. She could feel her face growing warmer.

"That explains why they were so persistent," she said suddenly. When Remus looked confused she said, "Selwyn and Rosier, I mean. They would have never picked a fight like that in public before. In the confines of the school, where they could corner me alone, sure. But in the middle of Diagon Alley? Even with how deserted it is here, that was bold."

"You're right," said Remus. "That's been true pretty much all around. Everyone who supports You-Know-Who is crawling out of the woodwork. They're not afraid to make it clear where their loyalties lie."

"Well, neither am I," said Lily loudly, and Remus smiled.

"You sound like James," he laughed, and Lily scowled.

"What does that mean?" she said, causing Remus and Peter to exchange looks. Their reaction only made Lily more curious. "What _did _you mean?"

"Well, the last time we talked to him he was adament that he was quitting school to fight You-Know-Who."

Lily's face fell immediately into a euphoric grin and she had to fight very hard to hold back her laughter. However, when Remus and Peter remained composed, her laughter caught in her throat.

"You're not serious?" She said. However, the looks on their faces told her they were very serious.

"James has kind've gone off the deep end lately," said Peter.

"Don't say that," scolded Remus. He looked worried, and Lily felt for him.

"Exactly how does he plan on fighting?" said Lily critically. "He's 17. Hasn't even finished his N.E.W.T.'s. Is he just going to wander up to the nearest Death Eater and start throwing curses? Does he even have a strategy?"

"Well sort of-" began Peter, but Remus cut him off.

"Lily, we honestly shouldn't have said anything to you. Please just drop it, okay?"

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but the look on Remus's face made her reconsider. The three of them sat in silence for a moment, each of them staring at their hands. Somehow, the news about James quitting school had Lily more worried than the news of the Death Eaters. She felt her stomach knotting the more she thought about it.

"So, they're gaining followers, but that can't be all," said Lily. She looked up at Remus, who met her gaze hesitantly.

"No, it's not. There've been a lot of deaths. Recent deaths, too. I think atleast one a week."

"Muggles," said Lily, her eyes on her hands again.

"Muggle-borns," said Peter nervously.

Lily didn't know how to react. The thing that disturbed her most about all of this was the fact that she had been so blithely unaware that all of this was happening. She had been home for only a month and already so much had changed. How could she return to Hogwarts knowing her mother and sister might be in danger?

"I don't understand why no one's told me about this," she said finally. " I mean, not even a letter from the school...my family..."

"It does seem strange," said Remus. "But honestly, I think your family should be fine, Lily. I mean, I'm not gonna say that Muggles aren't targeted, but the type of people we're dealing with, well...how do I put this?"

He eyed her hesitantly, as though he was afraid to speak. Then after a second he said, "Death Eaters believe that pureblood wizards are the _only_ wizards. They look at Muggle-borns as...robbers of their heritage. Which is, of course, absurd. But Lily, it means that they think that you are a threat to their way of life-"

"That's ridiculous!" snapped Lily. "How can _I _be a threat if they're the ones-"

"I know, Lily, I _know_," said Remus. "But listen to me. This is the way they _think_. They believe Muggle-borns are threats that need to be _erased_. They don't see Muggles as threats, so they're not actively seeking them out. I mean, obviously they would be nasty to them if they crossed paths, but really they're more concerned with Muggle-borns. Do you understand? You don't need to worry about your family, Lily. You need to worry about yourself."

Lily sat in silence, contemplating Remus's words. She knew he was right. She knew she should be scared. Rosier and Selwyn had shown her how easy it was to be targeted. But for some reason, all she could think of was that head girl badge in her front pocket.

Dumbledore didn't make mistakes.


	3. Ultimatums

James sat straight upright in his bed the second he heard the tapping. His room was very dark, the only light source at the moment being the window in the corner. He moved towards it quickly, opened it, and let the owl flutter inside. James grabbed the letter from it's feet and fumbled with it for a few seconds as he tried nervously to open it. As he tore the paper something heavy fell out onto the floor, glinting at his feet. James blinked at it, confused, and then returned his attention to the letter inside. It was the usual school supplies list, as well as another shorter note. It read:

_Mister James Potter,_

_ Congratulations! You have been selected from among your peers as this year's head boy. Your continued hard work and school spirit has awarded you this honor. Please meet in the office of your head of house on September 1st to receive further instruction. _

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts_

_Order of Merlin, First Class_

_Chief Wizengamot_

Underneath Dumbledore's titles, written in his neatly measured scrawl, were the words, "_James – Not yet._"

Unable to process what he was reading, James stared blankly at the letter with his mouth slightly open. He squinted at the green ink, hoping that perhaps there was a hidden code there to decipher. After staring at it for several minutes in silence, James finally crumpled the letter and let it fall to the floor. Then, bending down, he picked up the tiny golden pin that had fallen at his feet. There, neatly enscribed, were the words "Head Boy".

This had to be some kind of bizarre joke. He had begged Dumbledore to join the Order...and Dumbledore's answer was to make him head boy? James was too stunned to move. He had no idea how to respond to the news. He didn't know whether to be angry, flattered, or insulted. His lips were still slightly parted, and he was staring at the floor, when Sirius burst into the room.

"Oh good, you're up! Can you tell me what the bloody hell a _pestle_ is? I swear, one year without potions and-" He stopped in his tracks once he noticed James on the floor. Immediately dropping to his knees, he placed a hand on James's shoulder and said, "Mate, what's wrong?"

"Whuh? Oh, nothing, nothing..." said James absently. He sat a little straighter and repositioned his glasses before turning to face Sirius.

"Nothing?" said Sirius skeptically. Then his eye fell to the badge in James's hand, and his jaw dropped. "_No._"

"_Yes._"

"_No!_" Sirius stood up, gaping at James quite unashamedly. "I thought you weren't even going back? What did Dumbledore say?"

"That's just it," said James, getting to his feet. "He barely said anything. _Look._" He picked up the crumpled letter and showed it to Sirius. Sirius scrunched his face as he read it, as if he were looking at something perverse.

"_Not yet?_" he read aloud. " What does that mean?"

"It's Dumbledore's way of saying _'Nice try you twat.'_,"said James, scowling. He went to crumple up the paper again, but Sirius stopped him, pulling it out of his hand.

"Maybe not," he said. His face had an expression of utmost concentration. "Dumbledore wouldn't do that. He's testing you. I bet you anything. He wants to see how you do as head boy, then he'll let you join."

"Testing me?" said James flatly. "How is being head boy anywhere remotely comparable to being an Order member? He just wants me to stay in school, and he thinks if he says 'not yet' that'll keep me hopeful enough to do as he says. Keep me in line."

"Well, will you?" said Sirius. "Do as he says, I mean?"

James turned away from him, thinking. Part of him wanted to decline the position and not go back to school anyway, just as an act of defiance. He didn't like the way that Dumbledore was manipulating him. Why should he listen to what the old man had to say? Why was everyone so against James wanting to help?

On the other hand, James felt oddly proud. He had never once considered that he might be head boy, but holding the badge in his hand caused a little knot in his chest; like scoring a goal in Quidditch. And he knew that it would make his parents proud to see him as head boy...

Before James could answer Sirius's question, there was a light knock on his bedroom door. Without waiting for a response, his mother walked in.

"Oh good," she said in a meak voice. "You're both in here. Boys, would you sit down please?

James and Sirius exchnaged looks as they went over and sat on James's bed. James's mother sat between them, though she barely looked at either of them. She was running the cloth of her dress through her fingers nervously. James watched her with concern, feeling his chest constricting.

"What's goin' on 'Nora?" said Sirius gently, his face reflecting very clearly what James was feeling.

"Boys, I need to tell you something. I've been keeping it from you for several weeks now because I didn't know how to tell you," she said shakily. James placed his hand over hers. "I went to Saint Mungo's at the end of June. Remember that terrible headache I had? Well...I had a check up, and the ache itself wasn't the problem, but when they tested for that, they found something else..."

"What are you saying?" said James. Now his voice was shaking. "Are you _sick_?"

She stared straight ahead for a minute without responding. Then she said, "I have a d-degenerative b-brain disease. I-it's actually q-quite common among women of my age..."

"What does that mean?" said Sirius hollowly.

"It means...I'm very sick. I don't have a lot of..._time_ left," she said. She started to cry, and James and Sirius both wrapped their arms around her, each wearing a pained expression. Neither knew what to say. James's mind was strangely absent of thought. The only thing he was really aware of was the sound of his mother's muffled sobs as she cried into his chest.

"How long?" said Sirius, after her crying had died down. She sat up and wiped her eyes.

"They're unsure,"she said. "My doctor says it could be anywhere between a year and four months. They just can't tell."

Neither of the boys responded. James was staring straight ahead, blankly. Sirius's eyebrows were knotted and his eyes looked glassy. James's mother started sobbing again as the silence progressed. Her entire body shook and she cried, and Sirius held her.

"You s-see?" she said through the sobs, turning to look at James. "You see...that's why your f-father had to s-say _no_...H-he t-told Albus he _n-needed_ to take c-care of me..."

His mother's words finally aroused him from his reverie. He turned immediately to face her, his eyes glossy. "_Mum_," he said. "I'm going back to school. I promise. I'm going back. Look..."

He quickly stood up and walked across the room, grabbing the letter and the badge off of the floor. His mother was watching him wide-eyed, her face red and blotchy; but she had stopped crying. He sat back down next to her and showed her the letter, and her hand shot up to cover her mouth. She stared at the letter wide-eyed and looked from it, to James, and back again. Then she threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly in a hug. Sirius cracked a smile at the sight, and she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Head boy!" she exclaimed. "_James_, oh! You need to show your father!"

"I will," said James with shaky laughter. "I promise. Mum...I'm so sorry for the way I acted the other day..."

"James," said his mother, taking his hand in hers. "I _know_ you had good intentions. But please always remember that things are never usually as cut and dry as 'right or wrong'."

He didn't know how to respond. He knew she was right, and he felt somewhat foolish. Then again, he was incredibly happy to see her smiling.

James and Sirius spent the remainder of that day on the back deck with James's parents. After hearing the news about Lenora's illness, they felt hard-pressed to leave her side. That, and James's father was so impressed when he heard the news of James being made head boy, that he decided to cook a huge dinner. James's father rarely cooked because he only knew how to make one thing, but when he did it was usually a treat. He was a true master at making stew, and that night he was on top of his game.

After dinner was over, James's mother decided to go lay down in bed. It was as James and Sirius were helping their father clean that Remus and Peter apparated in the back yard.

"Hello!" said Remus cheerfully as he and Peter walked onto the back deck. " Something smells delicious. Did we just miss Lenora's cooking?"

"As a matter of fact, Remus, I made this myself," said Richard.

"Oh, no, we missed the_ stew_?" whined Peter, looking whistfully at the bowls piled op on the patio table.

"There's still plenty left inside," said Richard. Then he turned to James and Sirius and said,"You boys head on in. I'll get the rest of this."

Once back inside, Peter and Remus piled their bowls with stew. James and Sirius went into the den and sat down. They usually spent time in the den whenever Remus and Peter were over because it had a fireplace and french doors that closed it off from the other rooms on the main floor. There was also a wizard's chess set and a small library of books in there that were of no interest to Sirius, but that James and Remus liked to use. Peter and Remus carried their bowls of stew into the Den, sitting down in their usual spots on the sofas.

"So, things seem to be getting back to normal around here," said Remus, slurping a huge spoonful of carrots and potatoes. "Your dad's in a great mood."

"Oh yeah, he's been in high spirits ever since James showed him his head boy pin," said Sirius casually, throwing himself over the back of the leather armchair so that his legs were resting where his back should be. Remus and Peter both choked on their stew, coughing and spluttering as Sirius snorted his approval.

"WHAT?" said Remus, not at all bothering to hide his shock. Peter was slightly more reserved. While he was clearly just as bewildered as Remus, he was stammering, "O-oh, well...t-that makes..._yeah._..I can see that..."

James said nothing, waiting for them to stop talking. Remus shut up almost immediately but Peter was still babbeling until Remus slapped him upside the head.

"Dumbledore did it after I asked him to join the Order," said James, once they were listening. Remus's face suddenly weilded an expression of dawning comprehension. Peter looked confused.

"How can you be head boy _and_ join the Order?" said Peter.

"You_ can't _you idiot," snapped Sirius.

"Dumbledore said no," said Remus, shrugging, "Not exactly surprising."

"_Ah_, but he _didn't_ say no," said Sirius, his eyes glinting. He sat up in his chair, leaning in to face Remus and Peter. "He said '_not yet'_."

"I don't follow," said Remus.

"Nor do I," said Peter.

James pulled the letter out from his pocket and tossed it to Remus, who read it silently as Peter leaned over his shoulder and mouthed the words to himself under his breath. When he was finished, all Remus had to say was, "Hmm."

"So you agree!" said Sirius jovially, spinning to face James. He stretched his arm out, gesturing to Remus, and said, "There!"

"Come off it," said James.

"Agree with what?" said Remus. Sirius turned back to him.

"Tell me you don't clearly see this as a test? Dumbledore is testing him to see if he's fit to join the Order! He wants to see how he handles 'responsibility' or whatever."

Remus looked skeptical. James laughed. "See?" he said. "Remus thinks it's stupid too."

"_Well,_" said Remus, and James frowned. Sirius perked up. "I mean, I doubt he's testing you. But, I'm sure that he definitely intends for you to join eventually."

"_Eventually_," said James. "I hope this shit doesn't last _that _long."

"It doesn't look like it's getting better anytime soon," said Remus, and he exchanged a nervous glance with Peter. "Listen, James. There's something you might want to know."

"Remus, please don't give me any more bad news," groaned James. Remus frowned.

"Bad day?" he said simpathetically. "What happened?"

James and Sirius exchanged a worried glance, and then James said, "Another time."

"Well, that's fine," said Remus. "Listen, we don't have to tell you-"

"Nope, no, no. You brought it up. Just, go ahead," said James. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat, bracing himself. Remus bit his lip, apparently contemplating how best to word his news.

"Peter and I ran into Lily Evans today at Diagon Alley," he said measuredly. "She was being harrassed by Evan Rosier and his girlfriend."

Sirius winced as James sat bolt upright in his seat.

"What do you mean _'harrassed'_?" said James, stressing each syllable.

Remus sighed heavily. "I guess she was at Gringotts exchanging her Muggle money. They spotted her, made some snide comments. When she went to leave, Rosier followed her. Probably wouldn't drop it, you know how he is-"

"_Were you there for all this?_" James snapped. He was standing now, his face pale. He was glaring at Remus, and Remus glared right back.

"Of course _not_," said Remus firmly. "Calm _down_. No one got hurt, nothing actually happened. Peter and I showed up as they were leaving."

James sat down again, biting his lip and mussing his hair. "Sorry," he said after a moment of silence. "It's been an off day."

"It's okay," said Remus earnestly. "I told you because I thought you'd want to know."

"Thanks."

All four of them sat in silence then, unsure of what to say next. James was feeling such a wide range of emotions that they were all neutralizing each other until he felt numb. His mother was still at the back of his mind, but the news about Lily frustrated him. He had honestly forgotten that Lily, of all people, was one of the most vulnerable in this situation. He had been so focused on the big picture, on doing what was right for the sake of goodness, that he hadn't even thought of the people actually being effected. For a split second he considered sending another letter to Dumbledore, asking him to reconsider. But then he remembered his promise to his mother. There was no going back on that.

"Man, this year is going to suck, guys," said James finally, causing the others to laugh.

"Funny," said Sirius with a wry smile. "I was just thinking how awesome this year will be."


End file.
